George Bush is now trying to gather support for an amendment to the U.S. constitution defining marriage as only between a man and a woman. My assumption is that opposition to gay marriage is derived from Christian belief that homosexuality is an abomination. I am assuming further that this belief derives from what is written in the Bible. Why not go all the way and make a constitutional amendment's description of marriage totally in accord with the Bible?
Here are some satirical examples of what should be added to the amendment according to Biblical passages:
(I got all of this in an email that's going around and have not confirmed that the passages below are really based on the Bible - but I bet they are)
Marriage shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)
Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)
A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin.
If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)
Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)
Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any state, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)
If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)
While I'm at it, here is another batch of interesting questions for the government about certain social issues as described in the Bible:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - (Lev.1:9).
The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - (Lev.15: 19-24).
The problem is how do I tell?
I have tried asking but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.
Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 passage clearly states he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - (Lev. 11:10), - it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree.
Can you settle this?
Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.
I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27.
How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm.
He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.
Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - (Lev.24:10-16).
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws?
(Lev. 20:14) |