by John Watson

 

1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb.....
and I also know that I'm not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with dumb guys.
-Erica Jong-

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.
I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
-Rita Rudner-

4. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
-Wendy Liebman-

5. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you gave birth.
-Erma Bombeck-

6. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-

7. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

8. I think - therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-

9. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-

10. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-

11. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner-

12. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-

13. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinhem-

14. I never married because there was no need.
I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
-Marie Corelli-

15. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
-Baroness Edith Summerskill-

16. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee-

17. I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man, - I keep the house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

18. Send this to five bright women you know and make their day.

 

 

 

 

 

About The Author

John writes a weekly column for his hometown newspaper.
You may read some of his stories at: http://go.to/backfence
You may contact John direct at: jjwatson@digitex.net